Notes From the Podcast:

We’ve all heard the age-old adage that “opposites appeal to.” It’s a romantic notion that has been perpetuated in numerous rom-coms and Hallmark films.

The story goes like this: a white-collar, work-obsessed metropolis dweller meets a down-to-earth, rough-around-the-edges individual from a small city. At first look, they appear solely improper for one another, and so they don’t notably like one another as a result of they’re opposites.

Nevertheless, they ultimately come collectively, undergo some ups and downs, and finally reconcile and rekindle their love in a tumultuous journey. He’s the individual she by no means noticed coming, the one she wasn’t actively searching for however one way or the other knew in her coronary heart that she wanted. All of it sounds fairly magical, doesn’t it? Properly, it’s time to debunk this fable.

Why it Appears that Opposites Entice

The concept that opposites appeal to typically stems from a lay idea that many people maintain. We worry boredom and imagine that the connection will turn out to be monotonous if we’re too just like our companion. We’ve heard phrases like, “If we’re an excessive amount of alike, it’ll be boring,” or “Nobody desires thus far their clone.” This idea additionally suits properly into the concept of steadiness, with the notion that one companion balances out the opposite, making a yin-yang dynamic, resembling outgoing versus quiet.

However What About These Lengthy-Time period Relationships?

We regularly look to our grandparents as examples of {couples} who’re full opposites, but they’ve managed to remain collectively for many years. We needs to be asking whether or not they’re genuinely completely satisfied or merely tolerating one another’s variations. It’s attainable to make it work by forcing your self to tolerate the disparities, however is that this actually the best situation?

We Are Not True Opposites

Most of us have our personal “opposites appeal to” tales in {our relationships}. We imagine that the parable have to be true as a result of we discover variations between ourselves and our companions. Nevertheless, we regularly fail to acknowledge that these variations should not true opposites however relatively completely different preferences.

What Opposites Imply

Think about traits like introverted versus extroverted, agreeable versus unpleasant, a choice for journey sports activities versus being a homebody, a love for the seaside versus the mountains, or being messy versus a clear freak. Whereas these variations could look like they’d result in relationship bliss, the fact is sort of the other. Variations typically lead to friction at greatest and battle at worst.

Imbalance Between Males and Ladies

One widespread false impression is that women and men are basically opposites, with girls being extra open, communicative, and caring whereas males should not. This notion results in a problematic dynamic the place one individual’s good traits ought to steadiness out the opposite’s unhealthy traits. In search of opposites can generally imply tolerating what try to be avoiding, and it’s essential to goal for a steadiness of masculine and female traits inside every individual relatively than attempting to steadiness them throughout two people.

Boring Isn’t So Unhealthy

Predictability, stability, concord, consolation, and security are very important features of an enduring relationship. These components are what can maintain a partnership for 50 years or extra.

The ONE Means “Opposites” Work

The reality is that “opposites” working in a relationship isn’t about being reverse however relatively complementary. A companion may possess traits that you simply aspire to have however at present lack. For instance, if you’re tremendous conservative and predictable, you might be interested in somebody who’s extra spontaneous since you need extra carefree qualities in your life.

A Facet Thought: Self-Reflection

Think about the concept that you may solely be interested in opposites once you don’t like who you’re as an individual. It’s price exploring why you’re drawn to those that are so completely different from you.

The Technique: The Golden Rule of Attraction

Ultimately, the golden rule of attraction is similarity. Any individual you’re interested in could have areas reverse to your traits, however it’s important to acknowledge that you simply like them regardless of these variations.

Remaining Thought

Do not forget that the parable of opposites attracting is simply that—a fable. True compatibility and lasting relationships typically stem from shared values, pursuits, and comparable outlooks on life. Embrace the widespread floor you share together with your companion, and also you’ll seemingly discover a deeper connection and a extra fulfilling relationship in the long term.