They say we enter into relationships to shine a light on our negative emotional patterns so we can transform these lower emotions, patterns and beliefs into Love. We come together so that we can more clearly see our issues. If we are brave enough we can then start to heal them through acceptance and getting in touch with our feelings. How often do you feel your buttons being pushed by your partner? Well, if you feel this often you are on the right path. This is exactly what the relationship is for – to show you where you need to heal. When your buttons are pushed do you attack the other or do you take responsibility for your feelings and reactions and calmly express what you are feeling? Attacking the other with blame and judgement is the easy way out and most of us react this way because it is what we learned from those around us and it is the norm. It is the brave ones, the women that are tired of drama and pain that set out to do something different. When you are seething in anger, disappointment or sadness, the last thing you want to do is relax and go within to see if an old wound is being poked at. The last thing you want to do is let your partner off the hook. Yet, if you want to grow and experience a life full of love, peace and joy you must begin this journey of awareness. You must begin to use your relationship as a way to see where you need healing.

Relationship coach Christian Carter is the man who changed my life!!!! See his secrets below 🙂 

 John Gray author of “Woman are from Mars and Men are from Venus” says that men live in a different part of their brain. They do not have the same access to feelings and emotions as woman do. Therefore, when they are stressed out or under pressure talking about things is not what makes them feel better. Yet, how often as women do we sense something is wrong with our man (not relating to our relationship) and we ask “How do you feel?” and push him to talk about things so we can feel better? I never realized how uncomfortable this can be for a man.  A man processes stress different then a woman. We talk about things to feel better and men need to either withdraw to de-stress (watch T.V., hang with buddies) or engage in some goal oriented activity (work, gym, sport) to feel better. During this time, us women can feel rejected or worst case scenario we take it personally and start to tell ourselves a story. We make up a story that he does not care as much or begin to think he is not bringing enough energy or attention to the relationship. Then we get fearful, clingy and needy. This pushes a man off the cliff. We add more stress to his life and now he wants to get away even more. What a man needs in moments when life becomes overwhelming is some time to detach from the world. The key is to give it to him! With or without words, let him know he has a soft, sweet space to return to when he is feeling better and LET HIM GO! Then he returns to you and wants to connect with you again because you were able to give him space. He knows you are a woman in control of her emotions and world. Now don’t get me wrong, there is a healthy way men take space (not calling you for a day or taking a day to do something on his own) and a not so healthy way (i.e. disappearing for days etc.).  I’m talking about the healthier way. As a feminine goddess you stay centered (i.e. stand still) and take care and love yourself in those moments. You do this so when he emotional/physically returns, you can shower him with love reminding him that you are his safe harbor and a woman that understands his needs.  This is true intimacy (aka – into you I see) and the rewards are endless when this happens. 

“She Learned To Create An Emotional Experience That Triggers Openness And Affection In A Man… And YOU Can Learn To Do It, Too!”     Christian Carter catchhimandkeephim.com

According to Relationship expert, Dr. Pat Allen, the success of a romantic relationship rests on two principles:

1. A man’s greatest psychic craving is that his thoughts be respected.

“When you are just as comfortable in discomfort as you are in comfort, you are FREE” I read this the other day and it reminded me of the core foundation to a good relationship with a man – When you are okay and feel good with whatever he does. Maybe he does something magical and romantic that lights up your heart and you feel peace or maybe he is inconsiderate or thoughtless and you still feel peace. This is the key! Of course you can be upset and should voice your feelings to him (trick is to do it with no blame, or criticism) but peace should be the undercurrent beneath your emotion of anger or sadness. I know this sounds complicated and strange yet, this is what allows a woman to stay centered in her goddess energy when her man is not meeting her expectations. Staying centered (aka standing still)  with an open heart is what triggers his passion and attraction for you.  A man absolutely goes crazy over a woman who has control over her emotions. It is not easy work. It all begins with your inner world and once you have your inner world under your control you will sparkle and shine and will mesmerize any man.

This is my first blog post for “The Art of Loving a Man”. Here is the essence of Soft, Sweet and Slow.

“When a woman doesn’t try to change a man, he feels accepted. This does not mean a woman must feel that he is perfect in every way. It means she trusts him to make his own improvements.”

“I feel safe communicating to you because I know you will not attack me”                 These wonderful words were spoken to me last night by my wonderful man – El Guapo. You might be wondering what is so special about this. Well, this statement is the key to why he adores me and opens his heart and soul to me. It is the key because the emotional safety I provide him (i.e. not freaking out or always taking things personal) allows him to communicate and share his thoughts and feelings with me. He can be himself with me and know things will remain calm and loving even when I don’t like what he is saying.

    In a relationship, there is a shift we all must eventually make if we are going to experience real love and intimacy. It is the shift from victim to compassionate partner. This is because real love requires mercy toward one another. Real love knows the other person is trying their best with what they know. Real love does not condemn, it inspires. That is why a Goddess has patience and compassion for her lover. She deeply understands her man and gives him what he needs, knowing the rewards will be worthwhile.  For us women that is not always easy.  A good place to begin is by learning about men and how they function mentally and emotionally. With that said, I have decided to post an article by relationship author John Gray.  If you can understand his idea of “The Rubber Band Man” and use it when needed, your man will think you are the most AMAZING WOMAN in the world. Your man will think you are a woman that gets him and a woman he does not want to live without. Check out the article below. It is fascinating.