“When you are just as comfortable in discomfort as you are in comfort, you are FREE” I read this the other day and it reminded me of the core foundation to a good relationship with a man – When you are okay and feel good with whatever he does. Maybe he does something magical and romantic that lights up your heart and you feel peace or maybe he is inconsiderate or thoughtless and you still feel peace. This is the key! Of course you can be upset and should voice your feelings to him (trick is to do it with no blame, or criticism) but peace should be the undercurrent beneath your emotion of anger or sadness. I know this sounds complicated and strange yet, this is what allows a woman to stay centered in her goddess energy when her man is not meeting her expectations. Staying centered (aka standing still)  with an open heart is what triggers his passion and attraction for you.  A man absolutely goes crazy over a woman who has control over her emotions. It is not easy work. It all begins with your inner world and once you have your inner world under your control you will sparkle and shine and will mesmerize any man.

This is my first blog post for “The Art of Loving a Man”. Here is the essence of Soft, Sweet and Slow.

“When a woman doesn’t try to change a man, he feels accepted. This does not mean a woman must feel that he is perfect in every way. It means she trusts him to make his own improvements.”

“I feel safe communicating to you because I know you will not attack me”                 These wonderful words were spoken to me last night by my wonderful man – El Guapo. You might be wondering what is so special about this. Well, this statement is the key to why he adores me and opens his heart and soul to me. It is the key because the emotional safety I provide him (i.e. not freaking out or always taking things personal) allows him to communicate and share his thoughts and feelings with me. He can be himself with me and know things will remain calm and loving even when I don’t like what he is saying.

    In a relationship, there is a shift we all must eventually make if we are going to experience real love and intimacy. It is the shift from victim to compassionate partner. This is because real love requires mercy toward one another. Real love knows the other person is trying their best with what they know. Real love does not condemn, it inspires. That is why a Goddess has patience and compassion for her lover. She deeply understands her man and gives him what he needs, knowing the rewards will be worthwhile.  For us women that is not always easy.  A good place to begin is by learning about men and how they function mentally and emotionally. With that said, I have decided to post an article by relationship author John Gray.  If you can understand his idea of “The Rubber Band Man” and use it when needed, your man will think you are the most AMAZING WOMAN in the world. Your man will think you are a woman that gets him and a woman he does not want to live without. Check out the article below. It is fascinating.

1. A man needs to feel emotionally safe with a woman. A man needs a woman who is in control of her emotions. He needs to know that a woman can calmly and lovingly express her pains and frustrations.  He needs a woman who does not depend on a man to fulfill her or make her happy.

“Enchantresses aren’t concerned with doing anything for a man or giving him anything.  They are just concerned with living in the moment, finding happiness and poetry in everyday life and tenderly, intimately sharing that bliss with men who appreciate their “light”.

THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK IS INSIDE YOUR OWN HEART     As I have mentioned before on this blog, one relationship coach that has changed my life is Christian Carter. His programs are amazing and well worth the money. The first time I read his e-book, Catch Him and Keep Him, I cringed when I saw all the ways I was pushing men and love away. I always pointed the finger outside myself, blaming men and how incompetent they were, but Christian Carter’s work helped me turn the focus inward. After reading his e-book  I was forced to look at the ways I contributed to the breakdown of my relationships. I now believe inner work for a woman is the most important goal and the only thing that will produce positive change in her love life. I learned it is not your responsibility to change what another person is doing or not doing. It is your responsibility to see what part you play, find out what walls and defenses you have and to learn your own lessons. So with that said, I am reprinting a portion of Christian’s e-book here. If you like it check out his website at – www.catchhimandkeephim.com. 

Update from June 9th post: I received a text this morning from El Guapo,          El Guapo – “Do you think I can see you again tonight”