After listening to Pat Allen’s radio show the other day I once again realized how important opposite energies are when it comes to emotional and physical attraction.  It is the Ying and the Yang that allows for flow, ease and romance to exist in intimate relationships. Yet, for women these days surrendering control to the Masculine can feel like death. It requires a deep trust in oneself and a letting go that is profound. Each day in my relationship I am challenged with this type of surrender and each time I choose to stay in my feminine energy I am rewarded.  Each time I stay in my feminine energy, “El Guapo” (my fiancee), steps into his masculine and the energy dance between us is AMAZING. It’s like lighting bolts and fireworks. He gives, protects and cherishes my feelings and I surrender control, remain vulnerable, sensual and emotionally soft. These opposite energies coming together in a man and woman create magic. For more understanding, see this great article I found below from this website – www.gurussay.com.  It’s enlightening. 

From our Sponsor, Christian Carter, Author of best-selling eBook Catch Him & Keep Him While every man is different, there are certain things about a woman that will make any man stand up, take notice, and make him decide he wants to get to know you on a deeper level.

Practicing Kristina Marchant’s “5 ways to make a man fall in love with you” created miracles in my love life. It’s all about self-esteem and learning to relate to a man softly, yet with boundaries. It’s about allowing a man space to chase and romance you and always putting yourself first in your own mind. A man is attracted to a woman who does not fall apart when he does not do what she wants. He loves the mystery and inner strength of a woman who can speak softly when she is hurt and ask sweetly for those things she would like in a relationship.  The minute a man feels like a woman is demanding of his time, love, energy or sex he will feel controlled and he will rebel. Therefore, a woman must not look to a man to feel better about herself or she will engage in all kinds of crazy antics that will manifest as controlling behavior. This will kill a man’s desire to please a woman and the downhill spiral from here can be emotionally deadly. See Kristina Marchant’s blog below to begin changing how you relate to a man. Remember to take baby steps and be gentle with yourself. You will make many mistakes trying to change, but eventually you will see the changes in how men (or your man) treat you and you will be thrilled. I say this as I stare at a dozen roses sent to me by my El Guapo (My fiancee) for Valentine’s Day. He is the most wonderful man in the world and his sweetness and romantic gestures are a direct reflection of the value and love I have for myself.

I cannot get enough of Christian Carter’s work (www.catchhimandkeephim.com). I promise you if you watch some of his video programs you will be saved 😉 His explanation of what triggers a man’s love and commitment is sometimes hard to hear, but worth every minute. At the end of the day his message is simple – Men do not want to be depended on to fix a woman’s emotional problems. They want a woman who has control over her emotional world and a woman who challenges him to become a better man. You know what that means ladies?? It means we have to get our sh*& together if we want a real intimate relationship with a real man. See blog post below by Christian Carter. 

“If you pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation.” Eckhart Tolle

There is nothing that drives a man away and makes him lose attraction faster than a needy woman. For a man, being involved with a needy woman feels like he is suffocating and can’t reach for air. The minute he finds a way to get away he will. So what does that mean for us women who can’t seem to shake our needy vibe? It means we have to do some soul searching to find out how deep our bottomless pit really is. A Goddess knows that the only way out of neediness, is to feel your feelings. It is essential that you get out of your mind and the story you create about your man and the relationship and dive into the physical sensations of the actual pain. Every time you feel desperation, instead of reaching for him, sit with yourself and bring your awareness to the place inside you that hurts. Breathe into it and relax and release. It’s that easy, yet very painful. In order to become a Goddess you must learn to be comfortable feeling your pain. It’s just old energy and it is seeking release. If every time you feel needy you do this, a little piece of pain will leave your body and soul and your neediness will begin to dissipate. You will start to transmute the negative energy into light through the power of your awareness. I know it sounds spiritual and since we are talking about healing in many ways it is. Relationships are assignments to get you in touch with old pain. Use them for that reason and do not jump on the wheel of engaging in the same old behaviors and getting the same old results. Men will never fill your void and they know in an instant when a woman expects them to. They feel it in their soul. Therefore, you can fale it all you want and act like you are not needy and clingy, but eventually he will know the truth. He will know that your real goal is to swallow his soul in the hopes it soothes your pain. This is what men fear the most and this is why they don’t commit, they leave or withdraw. See wonderful relationship coach, Kristina Marchant’s article below. Her website – connectwithhisheart.com.

“Respecting a man’s masculine energy and expressing that respect through appreciation and surrendering control will result in more trust and affection in your relationship. He will begin to appreciate you for your feminine, receiving, feeling, creative energy when you appreciate him for his thinking, doing, anaylzing, managing energy. This dance of opposite energies will allow love and passion to flow through the relationship freely.” Quote by Rori Raye

I promised myself I would blog more about relationship expert, Dr. Pat Allen’s, philosophy since it has been such a huge catalyst in changing my love life. While browsing the internet I found this great article by Rachel Claire. She is definitely a Pat Allen student. She clearly explains one of Pat Allen’s big rules – No  sex without a commitment.  See below.

On this blog, I often talk about the concept of leaning back (aka standing still) in a relationship. It is a concept that was developed by Relationship Coach, Rori Raye. It does not matter if you are just dating or married. It is a vital concept in “The Art of Loving a Man” because it is all about staying in your feminine energy and “Being” instead of “Doing.” Women have been taught to be masculine and fix problems and manage and control things in relationships. We have lost the art of allowing. To just allow things to be, is so foreign it feels unnatural to us. Yet, as a woman it is the most natural thing we can do. It is a mans job to cherish your feelings, help fix relationship problems, and direct his energy toward you.  So why would you want to stay in your feminine energy? So your man will move into his masculine energy. Once he does this, you and your man can experience balance, polarity attraction and romance. The key to leaning back is that you also stay warm and inviting at the same time. It is an art you learn. Whenever you and your man are experiencing a little friction or he seems to be withdrawing or you are dating a new man, there will come a time you will need to lean back and stand still. Doing this will create space between you and your man and he will be able to direct his energy toward you when he is ready.

     I read a lot of articles warning women to stay away from emotionally unavailable men and although it makes sense, I do think that we attract partners that have the same level of emotional wounds as ourselves. Therefore, if you attract an emotionally unavailable man, then that would mean on some level you also are not emotionally available. I know this can be difficult to hear, but it is true and accepting this fact will set you free on a deep level. For example, a needy/clingy woman thinks she is available for love, but just can’t find the right man. The truth is that she is in fact so out of touch with her own emotional world she is not even capable of true intimacy. Just like an emotionally unavailable man is distrustful and caged up by his own defenses, he also is not capable of intimacy. They are the same thing just manifested differently in different people.  So instead of blaming a man for being emotionally unavailable use it as an opportunity to look at ways you might also not be ready for intimacy.