So El Guapo got called away for work for the year. He will be back 1x per month or I will fly to see him 1x per month. This happened last year also and we made it through by seeing each other 2x a month. The new plan to see each other only 1x per month makes me feel like my organs are going to fall out of my body. He has been gone 3 weeks and it feels like I have a raging fire in my heart. Sorry for the dramatic description of my feelings.

In my last blog I talked about the stand off between my observer mind (higher mind) and my ego ( crazy negative thoughts) in regards to my relationship. Update…. I am winning! Over the last few weeks I have done an amazing job keeping up with the Goddess way of life. I have been triggered, noticed the old story in my mind, stared it down and it has dissolved. With all this work I have been able to stay clear in my energy and soft and sweet with El Guapo (husband). It’s crazy to think about how much drama I have avoided by taking responsibility and transforming my negative thoughts patterns. My reward? El Guapo is as romantic, attentive and cherishing as ever. In celebration (lol) I want to share one of my FAVORITE books. It is entitled “It’s a Guy Thing” by David Deida. It really explains the whole masculine and feminine thing beautifully. See excerpt below!

Love Love Love!!! I found this article that perfectly describes what to DO and NOT DO when a man pulls away. This is a very big topic in the relationship coaching world and one of the most difficult things for women to learn. Truthfully this is the thing that I find most challenging in my relationship. Even though “El Guapo” consistently showers me with love and affection there are times when his business causes him so much stress he withdraws. When this happens I feel like my heart is being torn from my chest and my crazy thoughts take off. Yet, now I know how to reverse all the craziness and handle it like a Goddess-Boss! This is because I have done lots of healing of my fearful mind (developed observer mind) and accept the fact that men withdraw under stress. Yet, being able to handle your man’s withdrawal takes an immense about of willpower. You need willpower in order to not react dramatically or engage in irrational behaviors. This goddess willpower must be developed if you are to relax into your feminine essence while a man pulls away. Relaxing into your feminine essence means letting go of control and allowing your man to do what he needs to do, while trusting he will emotionally and physically return when he is ready. Now please always remember there are situations where men are pulling away because they are not that into you and you are not a priority to them. That is a different situation. Read below article from Mirabelle Summers that I enjoyed so much. I found it on this website – https://commitmentconnection.com/

So this split mind thing is funny, once you get a hang of it . There is the you that is constantly struggling with sh*# and then there is the part of your mind that is watching you struggle. WTF! Let me update you on my letting go process with El Guapo (husband). As I mentioned in an earlier post, there is something El Guapo is doing that is driving me crazy. It is not a deal breaker by any means. It’s just an issue he has. His behavior is setting off emotional triggers in me like crazy. It feels like fireworks on the 4th of July in my stomach. My inability to control the situation is making me neurotic on a good day. So literally for a week I have been having a standoff with the 2 parts of my mind ( awareness/observer and ego/drama). It’s like the old western movies with the cowboys and the guns.

A long time ago I came across an e-book entitled “Cracking the Man Code.” I loved it!  It was written by relationship coach, Mat Boggs.  I wanted to share his name with you because I think it is important to hear what goes on in the mind of men from a man. Something that makes Mat special is that he discusses the science behind attraction and the male and female brain. I found it very helpful to understand that men and women think and feel differently when it comes to love and relationships. In the past, I always assumed my man saw love and life the way I did. Once I learned more about the male mind I was able to not react as negatively in certain situations. Mat gives out great tools and techniques on his youtube videos . I especially love his video, “7 Signs He’s Just Not That Into You.” See some of his other youtube video topics and a link to his youtube channel below.

I woke up this morning and decided I am not going to listen to the noise (aka thoughts) in my head! From the moment I opened my eyes my thoughts started racing like horses at a race track. Racing with thoughts about work, kids and my husband. My mind is constantly making up problems, finding people to attack and then trying to solve everything. Today I have decided not to participate.

I watched a documentary yesterday entitled “I am Maris.” It was a about a 17 yr old girl who suffers from anxiety and an eating disorder. She ends up turning to Yoga, which gives her a sense of inner peace and calm. In the documentary one of Maris’s Yoga teachers reads her blog and comments on how good it is. She advises her to talk more about the real struggles she faces internally. It was a very inspiring story and reminded me of the importance of having a personal connection with readers of my blog. I felt inspired today to write more about my personal relationship and how I work through my struggles. So here it goes. If you are familiar with my blog you know I refer to my husband as “El Guapo.” So El Guapo and I are coming up on 7 years together and 2 years married this September 2019. The first 3 years together he was a EUM (emotionally unavailable man) and I was a needy love addict hot mess. My blog is all about the tools I used to turn myself around which ultimately created the environment for him to change also. So where is our relationship today you might ask? Well, I am not going to lie. It is wonderful and without a doubt I deserve it after all my hard work! Yet, I want to be real, so I will also share that there are struggles also. One of the things I struggle with the most is control. I want to control EVERYTHING sometimes. Yet, feminine women let their men learn from their own mistakes. Like relationship coach, Pat Allen, says,

First let me say that feminine energy is a choice. Every person, male or female, has a choice which energy they prefer to radiate. The reason why it is important to know your preferred energy is so you can compliment your life with an opposite energy partner. The reason you want a opposite energy partner is so you can experience the thrill of polarity. Polarity is the attraction, chemistry and growth agent that comes from two opposite energies interacting with each other. On my blog when I speak of the Goddess life, I am speaking of a woman who chooses to live from her feminine energy. So what does the life of a feminine Goddess look like? Well, the most important thing a Goddess does is take care of herself – mind, body and soul. She exercises, eats healthy (chocolate is required lol), has a beauty routine, gets enough sleep, and nurtures relationships with family and friends. She commits herself to her passions and keeps her dreams alive. She has a spiritual practice and derives her trust in life from this connection. She is open to love and affection and engages her lover with her vulnerability. A feminine Goddess nourishes her life outside of her man and makes sure to spend time with other feminine women. She understands her triggers and is comfortable feeling her painful feelings. She calmly and skillfully expresses her feelings and is low drama. She respects her masculine man, lets him lead and shows appreciation for him daily. She gives love freely to those in her life, but she makes sure she gives to herself first. She excels in her career whether that be out in the world or at home. She takes care of her children. She carves out time to be quiet and self reflect, yet also knows how to have fun and be playful. She goes out into nature as often as possible. She fully experiences the sensual pleasures of life bubble baths to chocolate cake. She does things that make her happy and has the discipline to direct her mind to follow thoughts that feel good. She feels comfortable with her sexuality and enjoys the pleasure her man brings to her. Finally, she brings all this divine feminine energy to her man and allows him to experience her feminine radiance. As many of my readers know feminine energy is my way of life and what I feel most comfortable in. All the attributes I describe above encompass the woman I strive to be each day and without a doubt this is the woman my very masculine man adores. 🙂

Sometimes I feel like I run out of things to say about relationships, men and healing. I feel like a broken record repeating the same mantras over and over. As I scan the internet for inspiration I wonder how did things go so wrong between men and women. It’s not just in the United States either. I get views on my blog from all over the world. The most popular blogs on my website are,

What is your emotional trigger? Is it abandonment, rejection, acceptance, respect, being right, attention, control, freedom, predictability, being included etc… ? Whatever your trigger is, you can bet it is at the heart of your relationship problems. As I have repeated many times the key to healing your triggers is to become aware of when the negative energy takes over you. At that moment you must become present to the sensations in your body and witness your thoughts. The light of your presence (attention) dissolves your triggers. Yet, this process can take time. So what do you do in the moment when you are face to face with your man and he says or does something that sets off your trigger? Like I often tell my clients, do as little as possible. Breathe, relax and if needed make an “I feel statement.” For example, “I feel sad we are apart” or “I feel butterflies in my stomach because things are uncertain” and that is it! Do not expect your man to fix it or do something. The work is between you and you. You must sink into the feeling in order to release it. We cannot control people and we cannot expect our men to always make us feel loved and wanted. The only thing we can do is release this energy so it does not hold power over us. Let’s take this even one step further. The more difficult work is to transcend the flow of negative thoughts and emotions and continue to give love to your man. True intimacy is feeling triggered and keeping your heart open in the midst of this struggle. That means not withdrawing, attacking or becoming the victim. This is super hero sh*# if you ask me. lol! Seriously it is very deep spiritual practice. To keep your heart open and continue to let love flow outward to your man, in the midst of pain and ego crazed thinking, is nothing short of a miracle. Yet, once you do it you will see the results it brings. Your man will not withdraw and you will connect with his heart. You will realize there is a way out of the craziness of painful relationships. Everyday I remind myself that I seek liberation from the struggle in my mind and heart and vow to the universe that I am willing to do the difficult work for this love. It is the Goddess way!