This is my first blog post for “The Art of Loving a Man”. Here is the essence of Soft, Sweet and Slow.

“When you are just as comfortable in discomfort as you are in comfort, you are FREE” I read this the other day and it reminded me of the core foundation to a good relationship with a man – When you are okay and feel good with whatever he does. Maybe he does something magical and romantic that lights up your heart and you feel peace or maybe he is inconsiderate or thoughtless and you still feel peace. This is the key! Of course you can be upset and should voice your feelings to him (trick is to do it with no blame, or criticism) but peace should be the undercurrent beneath your emotion of anger or sadness. I know this sounds complicated and strange yet, this is what allows a woman to stay centered in her goddess energy when her man is not meeting her expectations. Staying centered (aka standing still)  with an open heart is what triggers his passion and attraction for you.  A man absolutely goes crazy over a woman who has control over her emotions. It is not easy work. It all begins with your inner world and once you have your inner world under your control you will sparkle and shine and will mesmerize any man.

According to Relationship expert, Dr. Pat Allen, the success of a romantic relationship rests on two principles:

1. A man’s greatest psychic craving is that his thoughts be respected.

“She Learned To Create An Emotional Experience That Triggers Openness And Affection In A Man… And YOU Can Learn To Do It, Too!”     Christian Carter catchhimandkeephim.com

 John Gray author of “Woman are from Mars and Men are from Venus” says that men live in a different part of their brain. They do not have the same access to feelings and emotions as woman do. Therefore, when they are stressed out or under pressure talking about things is not what makes them feel better. Yet, how often as women do we sense something is wrong with our man (not relating to our relationship) and we ask “How do you feel?” and push him to talk about things so we can feel better? I never realized how uncomfortable this can be for a man.  A man processes stress different then a woman. We talk about things to feel better and men need to either withdraw to de-stress (watch T.V., hang with buddies) or engage in some goal oriented activity (work, gym, sport) to feel better. During this time, us women can feel rejected or worst case scenario we take it personally and start to tell ourselves a story. We make up a story that he does not care as much or begin to think he is not bringing enough energy or attention to the relationship. Then we get fearful, clingy and needy. This pushes a man off the cliff. We add more stress to his life and now he wants to get away even more. What a man needs in moments when life becomes overwhelming is some time to detach from the world. The key is to give it to him! With or without words, let him know he has a soft, sweet space to return to when he is feeling better and LET HIM GO! Then he returns to you and wants to connect with you again because you were able to give him space. He knows you are a woman in control of her emotions and world. Now don’t get me wrong, there is a healthy way men take space (not calling you for a day or taking a day to do something on his own) and a not so healthy way (i.e. disappearing for days etc.).  I’m talking about the healthier way. As a feminine goddess you stay centered (i.e. stand still) and take care and love yourself in those moments. You do this so when he emotional/physically returns, you can shower him with love reminding him that you are his safe harbor and a woman that understands his needs.  This is true intimacy (aka – into you I see) and the rewards are endless when this happens. 

Relationship coach Christian Carter is the man who changed my life!!!! See his secrets below 🙂 

They say we enter into relationships to shine a light on our negative emotional patterns so we can transform these lower emotions, patterns and beliefs into Love. We come together so that we can more clearly see our issues. If we are brave enough we can then start to heal them through acceptance and getting in touch with our feelings. How often do you feel your buttons being pushed by your partner? Well, if you feel this often you are on the right path. This is exactly what the relationship is for – to show you where you need to heal. When your buttons are pushed do you attack the other or do you take responsibility for your feelings and reactions and calmly express what you are feeling? Attacking the other with blame and judgement is the easy way out and most of us react this way because it is what we learned from those around us and it is the norm. It is the brave ones, the women that are tired of drama and pain that set out to do something different. When you are seething in anger, disappointment or sadness, the last thing you want to do is relax and go within to see if an old wound is being poked at. The last thing you want to do is let your partner off the hook. Yet, if you want to grow and experience a life full of love, peace and joy you must begin this journey of awareness. You must begin to use your relationship as a way to see where you need healing.

A Feminine Goddess is……VulnerableCompassionate EmpatheticSensualPatientSoftAllows herself to receive

“For most men, a lasting commitment isn’t just a matter of choosing a woman and saying “Yes.” It takes a specific set of ongoing experiences to get a man to keep opening up and to learn to love and share more deeply as time goes on.”  By,  Christian Carter  w ww.catchhimandkeephim.com

            Have you ever really stopped to think about how capable you are of feeling your feelings (the good ones and the bad ones)? I once read that in order to feel your good feelings you must also know how to feel you’re not so good feelings. So a better questions is – Do you know how to feel your bad/negative/dark feelings?

     Relationship Author, Pat Allen, says a man’s deepest psychic craving is to have his thoughts respected and a woman’s deepest psychic craving is to have her feelings cherished – The ying and the yang. These opposing energies according to her fuel passion, love and romance. If a woman takes the feminine role of respecting her man’s thoughts/ideas/actions, a man will take the masculine role and cherish her feelings and strive to make her happy. What does this look like? Well, I experienced it firsthand this weekend. In order to protect his privacy I am going to refer to my man as El Guapo. He is latin and hot and he is my wonderful man. El Guapo runs his own business and pretty much works 6 days a week. He travels a lot and has very little extra time. He works long hours and is always exhausted. Now enter his woman – ME!     I am very understanding, loving and compassionate, but as most women I crave and love lots of attention. He is usually always there to meet these needs except sometimes he has needs too. Strange ugh? A man has needs too?? I believe the turning point for me in building a beautiful relationship is when I realized this– a man has needs and they should be respected. Sometimes he needs down time to relax and re-charge. This can be difficult for me when he has been out of town for a week and I am dying for some love – all kinds. So he tells me this weekend he cannot go with me to an event I was attending Saturday night. He nicely said,