Written by Christian Carter T ons of women do this one thing. And it must leave them feeling awful… I wonder if you do it too?

Matthew Boggs author of “Cracking the Man Code” writes about the biochemistry of men and women in love. The main idea is that women’s feel good chemical suppresses men’s feel good chemical in the brain. 

One of my favorite relationship coaches is Kristina Merchant. Check out some of her work below. It is a excerpt from her blog. She also has a new e-book entitled Prism Effect –

By Christian Carter www.catchhimandkeephim.comYou know how it is…A man will seem really excited to be with you, he’ll ask you out, maybe even bring you flowers, call all the time, and then…

I like this blog post (see below) by James Bauer. It speaks to the balance of energies within a Goddess. She is consistent and stable, yet unpredictable and wild. She carries both within her and allows both their time and space. I believe a relationship thrives in an environment with this dynamic. A man needs to know that he can depend on a woman to be emotionally stable so she is a safe harbor for him, yet he is wired for love excitement and thrills.  Therefore, a woman’s passion and wild unpredictable fire  is what keeps him wanting more. Just remember emotional stability is what allows for a woman to be playful and unpredictable. The light hearted energies of a Goddess are a result of the hard work she has done in healing her own wounded heart. It must be authentic.  Making peace with your inner emotional world comes first. Then a real relationship can begin and you can use your enchanting energies to create a romantic loving relationship with a real man.  

I just read Rori Raye’s new e-book “Surrender to Love” and it is very good. She gets right to the point when she says “In fact, nothing but the way you relate to him emotionally counts.” This is at the core of being a true Goddess. What I mean by that is that a true Goddess knows her power is in her ability to feel her feelings and provide a beautiful emotional environment for the relationship. This way her man is captivated and constantly seeking refuge and comfort with her. He loves the feeling of warmth and acceptance and he finds himself needing and wanting to be in this space more and more. It is magical for him to be with a woman that knows how to create this.  If your relationship is falling apart the first question you want to ask yourself is “what type of emotional environment am I creating?” Is it a loving, calm, sweet space or is it a battleground full of arrows and swords? This will determine weather he withdraws from you or moves mountains to be closer to you.

Kristina Marchant’s article expresses the essence of “The Way of the Goddess” better then any relationship coach I have encountered. Lately, I have heard too many stories about women who seem to have a great thing flowing with a new man and then suddenly he loses interest and the wheels come undone for these women. If you are one of those women remember the answer is not in what he is doing or thinking. The answer is in how you are being and reacting. Focus on you and an interested man can always turn around and move towards you again. Enjoy article below 🙂 

When I woke up this morning El Guapo (my boyfriend) had already left to work, but not without adding a reminder to the list I made for myself the night before.  (See picture) The reminder was “I love you.” It was a sweet and romantic gesture that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It is the little things men do to make sure you know how special you are that makes all the difference. Yet, you must remember that it is you who inspires them to do these things for you. I was soft, sweet, gentle and playful all weekend. I gave him emotional space when he was overwhelmed with work and I reminded him how happy he makes me at every opportunity. Now don’t get me wrong it was not all roses – I had an issue that was bothering me “big time” and I just voiced my feelings without trying to control him or blame him. He listened and validated my feelings and we moved on. Each day, I keep inspiring him to shower me with affection, love and adoration and it feels AMAZING!!!! Oh and when I talk to him on the phone this morning he said “I already miss you now that you are gone.” This is how in love a man should be with his woman. It feels heavenly!

How do you communicate with a man?  – Short and Sweet. You calmly make your I feel….. statements, with no blame or criticism, and then you stop. You don’t go on and on about how horrible he is and how awful you feel. You don’t throw a pity party and bring up 100’s of examples of his bad behavior or your proof why he is so awful now. You say I feel….. I don’t want to feel this way and then you give him some kind of guide as to what would make you feel better or how he can fix it. Remember men are action oriented and solution focused. They don’t understand the complex world of a woman’s emotions. They don’t  know grey, they know black and white. They understand that if something is wrong then logically they should fix it. They get overwhelmed by strong negative emotion and it literally makes them shut down. This does not mean you cannot cry and have feelings, but it does mean that you do not attack. It also means you help explain to him how to make you happy again (aka the solution) or you state your feelings and then let it go. It is his job as a man to figure out how to make things better. If he can’t make it better, it is your job as a woman to accept that.  Here is another thing about men – When they hear that you are unhappy they take it as a personal attack no matter what. Their goal and sense of pride is in making you happy. So when you are constantly coming to them with your unhappiness (which I believe is 90% your own self-made unhappiness) they feel like failures over and over again. This then makes them pull away from you because all they know is that it does not feel good to be around you. Then when they pull away it triggers you and makes you feel abandoned or like he does not care and you get even more upset. Then he gets overwhelmed by all the negative emotion and pulls away even more. You shut down your heart because you are hurt and he shuts down his heart because he has no idea what is going on or how to fix it.  This is how most relationships fall apart. So in order to not let this happen you have to gain control of your emotional world so you can calmly voice your feelings. This also requires that you learn how to feel your feelings (This part is huge!).You also have to begin to take 100% responsibility for how you feel so you don’t blame and attack him and then you extend compassion and grace to your man. Remember if he feels emotional safety (no blame, attack) and kindness from you (which is difficult to do when you are triggered),  he will move mountains to help fix the problems. In the end all he wants is to be your hero. It’s a Goddess’s job to pave the way for him to accomplish that. 

PHOTO: ILONA OLKONEN               The more I think about The Art of Loving a Man the more I realize how much healing a woman must do within her own heart in order to practice all the wonderful things I talk about here on this blog. If you read my blog you know that I have some particular things that are required of you in order to be that soft, sweet, yet powerful Goddess that you were born to be. One of the most important practices is the art of emotional management. If you are not in touch with your feelings and know how to deal with the pain in your heart when it comes up then you will not be able to truly love a man. This is because the love you have for him is created and nurtured inside you and then extended into the relationship. The love you feel is not something from outside yourself. It is not something he gives you and then you give back. It begins with you. The peace and love you bring to your relationship is the love in your own heart. If your heart is wounded and closed then you will bring that broken energy to your man and no matter what he does, good or bad, you will find a way to sabotage it and then you will blame him and think you are the victim.

Keeping the pathway clear between you and your man is essential to intimacy and a healthy love life. The key is learning to communicate. Good communication leads to a man feeling closer to you. Bad communication leads to a man pulling away.