This is one of my favorite articles by Relationship Coach, Christian Carter. A man’s need to withdraw is such an important thing to understand in “The Art of Loving a Man.” Whether he is withdrawing because he is overwhelmed with his work or with your emotional outbursts/demands it does not matter. The reaction from you will make all the difference. If you panic and start to push/pull on him harder he will continue to withdraw. If you stop and pull your energy into yourself and give him mental,  physical and emotional space he will catch his breathe and be able to move closer to you again when he is ready. Remember men and women have different brains and processes. Women need to connect and talk when they don’t feel good and men need to retreat into nothingness and gather their thoughts and feelings in order to figure things out. This requires a woman to be fully comfortable with her anxiety. Only then can she give a man space. This anxiety will feel like a million cactus needles piercing your heart. Just relax, feel and let go over and over until you feel lighter. I promise it will get better with practice. 

There are so many things to consider when thinking about what makes a relationship great. The thing that keeps coming up for me is how vital it is to use direct, clear, non-blaming communication with your man. It can turn a potentially bad situation into a loving connection. It works like magic! When I feel negative emotion between me and El Guapo the first thing I do is feel into my heart and find a way to clearly, directly and softly communicate my feelings. I do this without expecting him to do anything to fix me and I do this with the intention of connecting not attacking or criticizing him. Sometimes I am stumped as I stand there and all I can think of are words that scream “It’s your fault.” Yet, I breathe, switch my perception (from it’s your fault  to how can we connect) and choose my words wisely. When I do it right I am always amazed at how open and loving he becomes, even when the situation is tough. A Goddess communicates to connect with her man’s heart and she reveals to him her inner world and vulnerable feelings. This is the power of the Feminine. We Feel, We Love, We Open our hearts and connect. See Relationship Coach, Rori Raye’s guide below. 

Below is an excerpt from the current book I am reading by David Deida. The main message of the book is that a woman must learn to keep her heart open in her relationship so she can continue to feel, love and allow the flow of life’s energy to move through her. She does this so she can bring her light, radiance, sensitive emotions and loving connection to her man. David Deida is a fascinating author and I highly recommend reading his books. On of my favorite parts of this book is when he advises women to keep their hearts open even in the midst of pain and anger. He says at a certain point connection and love must be more important than fear and shutting down.  This he says is stage 3 love – The advanced kind of love that can exist between a man and woman. I have been practicing this idea of keeping my heart open and let me tell you it is easier said then done! Yet, I am determined to live in stage 3 love. 🙂 

I believe one of the most important things a woman must learn on her journey to love is how to communicate her deep feelings with her man. Please note – this is different then acting dramatic. With this said, I believe the place women get tripped up the most is when they mistake old past pain for their present, genuine, vulnerable feelings. Here is a hint – old past pain is expressed as blame, criticism, complaints and whining. Genuine vulnerable feelings are able to be expressed with more softness and no attack. A woman must tweak out what are her genuinely vulnerable feelings and not her deep seated emotional baggage. After she does this she can learn to softly communicate to her man in a way that connects with his heart and makes him want to cherish her feelings.  A wise relationship coach (Christian Carter) once said “you want to communicate to connect” not communicate so he will do what you want, when you want it. When a man feels and sees you are a woman who can communicate her vulnerable feelings in a calm way he will see you as a very valuable woman.  He may even want to keep you all to himself since he knows that for most women communicating with men has become a lost art. Next time you feel something, tune into your body and try to feel if it is an old pattern or a genuine feeling that needs to be expressed. Then open your heart and find words that are non blaming and let him know how you feel. If you tune into yourself and you know what you feel is old emotional baggage then breathe into those feelings and let them go. Do not share your darkness with him, because it will only make you look crazy and make him pull back.  Take your time and be easy on yourself. You are a Goddess in training. See great article below.

In dating and long term relationships why is it so hard for us women to let a man pursue us? I speak to many women each month and we all seem to have the same thing in common – we are looking to a man to make us happy, feel fulfilled and loved all the time. Well, I have come to the conclusion that the reason we do this is because we have lost connection with our internal source of love. The love that we were born with, but lost along the way. Now we think this can be found in relationship with a man.  It CANNOT! A man will only bring up the unhealed places in your heart. The ones that were there before you met him. When he does this you will think it is him who did something horrible and you will blame him. Then you will put all your attention and energy on how to get him to change or understand you. I would like all my reader’s to consider for a minute that there might be another way. The other way is to not focus on him at all. To turn everything inward and focus on you. He is not the enemy. He just poked at your wounds. He might need to change but it won’t happen if you are blaming and criticizing him. It will happen when you are focused on yourself and able to be soft and compassionate with his unhealed places also.  I will write more about this next week. For now I am posting a wonderful article by my favorite relationship coach, Rori Raye (havetherealtionshipyouwant.com)

             Sometimes relationships feel so uncomfortable and painful that you just want you to throw your hands up in the air and say forget it I give up. This has been the last few weeks for me. I usually do not blog about personal things, but it’s good for readers of my blog to witness that great relationships do hit bumps and you do get bruised. At the end of the day the details don’t matter. He did this or did not do this and I got hurt, angry and closed my heart and lost all ability to be calm, soft and loving. Instead I threw tantrums, treated him as the enemy and lost control of my darker emotions. All of this ripped my Goddess title right out from underneath me. In a few moments of uncontrolled emotions I lost all my skills and resorted to old behaviors that I know do not work. This is the messy work of growth and love.

When we find ourselves in relationships that are causing us overwhelming emotional pain there is only one thing that can truly help – complete and absolute acceptance and surrender to the situation and experience. Many women find my blog because they are desperately trying to figure out how to make their relationships work or how to get their men to commit or love them better. The answer to all of this is complete acceptance and surrender to the situation. The reason this is the answer is because this is where deep transformation happens. When a man or situation hurts us it is because they/it are triggering something inside us that brings up our dark feelings. We don’t want to feel this so instead we try to get the man/situation to change. What if the answer is to do the opposite? What if instead of trying to change the situation/man we accept it and sink deep into the uncomfortable feelings. What if we took a deep breath and dove into the abyss that we so desperately keep running from. This is complete acceptance and surrender. This is what changes the energy patterns in your heart that attract unhealthy relationships and behaviors in men. We women get so caught up trying to change men that we do not realize the power of transformation inside our own souls. Just take one minute to sit calmly and quietly and say to yourself “I accept and surrender to this situation that feels so painful” Let yourself feel what you are trying to avoid. Just sit and relax and release the energy. Once you practice and learn to accept and surrender to your painful feelings then you become a powerful Goddess! You are a powerful Goddess because even if your man triggers your pain you can handle it because you are already intimate with it. This intimacy with your pain with change your behavior with your man. You will not be so fearful of his words and actions. You will have the main ingredient of a Goddess – control and intimacy with her emotional world. Once you carry this energy of a Goddess your vibe changes and on an unconscious level your man will begin to see you differently. He will see you as a mysterious and powerful creature that can be vulnerable and feel her dark feelings yet have the strength to not unleash her madness on the world. He will be captivated by the way you are able to be strong on the inside, yet soft on the outside. You will exude emotional safety which is what all men unconsciously want. Lately, in my relationship with “El Guapo” I have practiced acceptance and surrender with a few things that have felt bigger then I can handle. It has worked miracles. The key for me is when I stopped looking for the situation/El Guapo to change and focused on finding peace no matter what was happening in relationship. My only goal is inner peace and the world and my man can be turbulent but through acceptance and surrender I stay centered.     

Hello Wonderful Ladies,I love relationship coach, Matt Boggs. He has a great E-book entitled “Cracking the Man Code” I found some free videos online that are a great introduction to his e-book. See below and enjoy!!! These videos are so good.

Today my girlfriend told me I looked like a content, sleek, satisfied and happy cat. When she said that I giggled knowing that was exactly how I felt. Practicing “The Art of Loving a Man” has allowed me to experience a man/relationship that is so dreamy and wonderful people would not believe me if I told them. The major work is in practicing the feminine energy principles of – allowing, vulnerabilty, patience, softness, sensuality and emotional depth. This has given me such a smooth, relaxed and confident energy not only in my relationship, but in all parts of my life. I believe that many women would benefit from getting more in touch with the energies of an Enchantress. Check out blog below, by Zinnia Gupte. Her website is – shaktipriestess.com.

I am loving this new relationship Coach, Megan Weks. She gets that a beautiful relationship starts with how a woman feels about herself and how healed her heart is. She also deeply understands how important feminine and masculine energies are in relationships, for attraction and energy flow. She has a great Facebook group also. Check it out! See her blog below. Enjoy!

This was the text I received today from my fiancee “El Guapo” (He has been gone 1 day for work.) It brought tears to my eyes and filled my belly with warmth and love. This is the feeling all women should experience daily. They should feel a man’s adoration and desire to be in her presence. A woman should feel wanted and loved by her man to the point she feels like she is floating on clouds. So how does a woman get to this place? How does a woman get a man to give her all his love, adoration and commitment? She takes the long hard road of inner healing. She cracks open her heart and feels all the horrible feelings she has been hiding since she was a little girl. She learns the art of managing her wild, uncontrollable emotions. She learns to transmute her darkness into light in order to be a calm, loving presence in the relationship. A Goddess understands it has nothing to do with the man in front of her. To try to change a man is to loose years of your life, wasting your precious energy.  A Goddess changes the energies of her own heart and then attracts the side of a man that is chivalrous, romantic and loyal. Every man has the reckless boy side and the hero side in him. How he responds to a woman just depends on the behavior of the woman standing in front of him. I have been tortured by the voices in my head and the pain in my heart for years. Yet, despite this I have stood strong and transformed myself into a woman who is in complete control of her energy, emotions, behaviors and words. I have learned to feel all my darker emotions and after I feel them, I’ve learned to choose love and compassion. This bravery has gifted me with a man that treats me like a queen. As I sit here at my desk and feel the excitement of having my man desire to see me, I congratulate myself for the hard work I have done on my healing journey. I write this today to offer hope and inspiration to all women who think that fairy tale love does not exist. I promise you it does!