Letting go of control is probably about the most difficult thing a woman faces in her relationship with a man. Letting a man lead and respecting his relationship timeline and emotional tempo (the time it takes for him to become more intimate and vulnerable) can drive any woman into wild hysterics. Men want to feel that they are the ones moving the relationship forward and making decisions based on what they want and women can make the big mistake of not giving a man the space for him to lean in towards them. If a woman begins to push a man and control, he will only resist more. Even if he wants what she wants, if she pushes he will resist. I know it does not sound fair, but once you accept it is this way you can move beyond it. If you embody the characteristics of a Goddess you can gentle and lovingly  guide him toward a beautiful relationship. It requires tremendous emotional and mental courage and strength to do this. You must learn to lovingly accept certain situations as they exist for now, you must be patient and compassionate. Above all else you must have mercy on him when it feels like your needs are not being met. You cannot make him into the enemy. It will only create distance between you. You must allow him to be when he hits the limits of how much he can give or love. You must see the goodness in him and keep your heart open so he can learn to grow and become more. When the fire begins to burn in you and  you want to blame him, you must know that the relationship is doing exactly what it is meant to do – it is causing you to learn how to love deeper and let go of control. 

PHOTO: “MM” by MICHAEL ROTHMANThe Real Work Is In Your Own MindOne of my favorite spiritual teachers, Marianne Williamson, often uses a quote in her lectures that is very powerful. It goes something like this, “When sh#$ hits the fan, stay on your own side of the fence.” So what exactly is so powerful about this quote? It is the idea that when you are upset about something it does no good to blame the other person. The real work is inside your own mind. This is a very useful skill to use in intimate relationships because getting lost in the idea that the other person is horrible and has to change is a useless battle. It only breeds resentment and disconnection. On top of that it kills a man’s attraction for you and makes him withdraw.

When you practice The Art Of Loving a Man you not only become the center of his world, but you also grow into and become the beautiful Goddess you were meant to be.  The Art of Loving a Man is all about keeping your man’s attraction for you strong by maintaining a wonderful vibe that screams “I am peaceful and happy” (with or without him).  That is the key to his heart. Then he sees you as a Goddess that he can adore, cherish and love above all other women. When your man knows that you are strong on the inside and soft on the outside, he can’t help being drawn to you. This is the case even in a long-term relationship. See text picture El Guapo sent me this morning above. It feels so nice to have his energy always flowing toward me 🙂 

The below excerpt is from relationship God Christian Carter’s blog -www.catchhimandkeephim. He hits the nail on the head describing what a real man wants. He says a real man wants an emotionally mature woman.  Well that is great, but the most difficult area for any woman to grow in is in the world of emotions. So this can set up a bit of a dilemma. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to kick and scream and only accept things my way in my relationship, but it never gets me the results I want. In fact I end up with a man (my wonderful El Guapo) who is overwhelmed and resentful and withdraws. Expressing emotions should bring a couple closer, not create more distance. It takes a huge amount of emotional maturity to be in a relationship and us women pretty much trip, fall and eat sh** all the way through the growth process. Cheers to us women who give it a try. 🙂 

In honor of my love for Christian Carter’s work I am posting more of his blog article entitled “4 Things A Man Wants in a Woman” see #1 below 🙂 

NATURAL COMMITMENTGiving a man emotional space to move toward commitment can feel like sitting in a hot pool of lava and wanting to scream, jump out, and do anything to quickly move out of the situation.  This is when as a woman you mistakenly have the talk of “Why aren’t you ready……” and you accuse him of being afraid of commitment and you get angry etc… A man hears this and feels all your desperation and shuts down his heart, panics and gets that ewww feeling about you, even if he loves you. He knows that when he is ready it will feel natural and it never feels natural to have a woman ask for more if he is not ready.  

Reposted from James Bauer’s blog – http://blog.beirresistible.comA survey was done as men walked out of marriage license bureaus.

By Christian CarterDo you find yourself playing games or pretending not to care in order to keep a man attracted? Do you ever worry that you are going to scare a man away if you show him how you feel? You aren’t alone. Many women find themselves playing games or pretending not to care in order to keep a man attracted and interested.

The more I read Kristina Marchant’s e-books the more I realize what it means to be a real woman and goddess. First of all it means loving yourself enough to not chase a man. It means never begging for more time, commitment or attention. It means every time you find yourself obsessing over him, you turn your attention back on yourself. It means not making him the center of your world and always making sure you can live without him. It means being in touch with your feelings so you can be open and vulnerable with him and connect with his heart. It means you create space between the both of you so he can have room to move toward you and bring you light. Then as Kristina’s Marchant says you take that light and you weave it into a beautiful relationship that inspires him to keep giving.  This is the way a man and a woman are suppose to be in relationship with each other. The problem is that us women have lost our way. We are hollow inside and think a man will fix our existential emptiness. It’s not true. The fix is spiritual in nature. The solution is for you to develop your connection with love/life and or whatever you call your higher power. You connect yourself to something that sustains you from the inside. Once you do this then you can have a real relationship with a man because you will not be depending on him to make you feel happy and secure. Until then you are just an energy vampire and he knows it. .

Learning to stay centered and balanced in times of intense emotional upheaval is difficult and takes so much willpower and love that I almost believe it is a practice saved for Buddha and Jesus. Yet, it is the key to intimacy. It is vital to becoming a Goddess. Intimacy is about connecting to each others hearts and keeping both hearts open. If you do not learn how to control and express your emotions, without blame and attack, your man will shut down and you are left on your own. Yes, we wish men did not do this, but they are sensitive creatures underneath their man armor and they can’t take emotional attacks. They just don’t know how to. So learning to take responsibility for your own perceptions, feelings, and triggers and then learning to express yourself in a loving way, will keep your connection with your man alive. In fact he will be in awwww of you. You will be like a mystical creature to him and he will love watching you be in touch with your feelings, since he is of another land. Just remember – no blame, criticism or attack.

When your  man is angry, tired, overwhelmed or withdrawn what do you do? Do you make it about you and your feelings and immediately tell him how horrible he is acting? Or are you able to see things from his perspective and give him space to feel and do what ever it is he needs? Do you give him space and remain content and in your happy place until he returns?  Relationships were not meant to always run smooth and easy. They involve two human beings that are constantly shifting moods and getting triggered by events and people. With this said, I think it is very important to welcome the bumps in the road and learn to navigate them with grace. The Art of Loving a Man involves learning to stand still when the waters are rough. It means being the steady shoreline and letting him be the waves. A real man needs a woman to hold the loving space while he flounders a bit in the chaos of his own mind. Of course this does not include inappropriate behavior. This just means allowing him emotional space without making it always about you and your needs. It requires a tremendous amount of control over your emotions. It requires the ability to not take things personal and have compassion then letting him find his way back to you if he is feeling distant or angry. A good man will always find his way back to you (emotionally), but he needs to see and feel that you are steady. This is what attracts him to you and keeps his attraction high. He knows you trust yourself and you trust him.  The question is not how to avoid the rough times in a relationship. The question is how do you react when things are not running smooth. The Art of Loving a Man means you do not overwhelm him with your negative emotions and voice to him how wrong he is. Instead you stay calm and allow him space to feel and be. Then he will return with more love then you can imagine.