I read a quote the other day that resonated deeply with me and I wanted to share it with you all. 

Relationships are messy. They are not meant to make you happy and if you are looking to live happily ever after you are in for a rude awakening. In order to be successful in a relationship you must re-frame your perspective about what purpose they serve. Relationships exist to trigger the unhealed places inside you so you can become aware of them and feel the pain and let it go for good. With that said, check out the wonderful tools Rori Raye offers below to help you navigate this process.

This posting is a little different in that it was created by a guest blogger. I would like to introduce a wonderful woman and amazing Goddess, Kayla. See her wonderful insights below.

I am a student of the Course in Miracles which is a self-study spiritual thought system. It is my anchor in a world that has lost it’s way. It is also my primary tool in maintaining my beautiful relationship with “El Guapo.”  Since I can remember I have been tortured endlessly by the emotional pain in relationships.  It was not until a few  years ago I said to myself “There must be another way.” This is when I began to see that the turbulence I experienced in  relationships was really about the turbulence that existed inside myself. I just brought this drama to each new man. In order to grow and heal I realized I needed to find something greater then myself to put my faith into. This new relationship with my higher power was the healing I needed and the missing piece to help me navigate my relationships and emotional pain. It does not matter what your belief is (God/Universe/Jesus/Allah/Buddha), it only matters that you be connected to something deeper then another person. This will create the foundation you need to cultivate real intimacy and love because you will not depend on another person to heal you. You will not need to control and demand that your beloved be and do a certain thing so you will feel love. You will already have love from your relationship to the divine. This will make you less needy, controlling and angry.  A man is very attracted to a woman whose primary connection is to something bigger then him. He senses that you are a woman that will bring peace and love to the relationship. This makes a man want to step up and cherish and give to a woman.  Find this strength in any way that feels right to you and enchanted love will find you. See author, Marianne Williamson’s prayer below from her book, Enchanted Love. 

Sometimes I feel like I am living in a fairy tale. I am loved, adored and cherished by a very handsome, successful, masculine man (El Guapo). He treats me like a Queen and lives to make me happy. He stays emotionally connected to me and always wants to spend time with me and give energy to the relationship. He buys me gifts and makes me laugh. He is tender and kind and speaks loving words everyday. I so strongly want to encourage women to learn the “The Art of Loving a Man” so they too can have such a beautiful experience being in a relationship with a man. Sometimes I don’t know where to start trying to teach this long lost art. The secrets of a Goddess are many and very much alive.  I know the first place to begin is to share that it is a woman’s relationship to herself and her darker feelings that will ultimately offer her liberation from dysfunctional relationships. You see, the fastest way to push a man away is to have unresolved emotional issues that are constantly being put onto him and the relationship. It may seem like he is the cause of your horrible feelings, but I promise you these dark feelings existed inside you long before you met him. He just happens to trigger them now. So what is a woman to do when she wants a healthy loving relationship? She begins with learning the ebb and flow of the energies within her own heart. She begins to feel the deep pain of the past without blaming him. She learns not to take things personal and uses the triggers as opportunities to heal. She learns to tolerate her pain so it can slowly dissipate. Emotional pain from the past only needs your awareness and focus. Once you shed the light of awareness on your emotional pain it transmutes back to light energy. This is the difficult work of healing. This is the path to great love. This is when relationships get juicy. This is when a woman can offer love, warmth and openness because her heart is pure. It has been cleansed of the past. This is when a man gets hooked on your enchanting presence. It is all about the emotional environment you offer a man. This is what draws him in or pushes him away. If you are afraid that you have already pushed him away for good-  don’t worry, it’s never too late. Check out the article below by wonderful Relationship Coach, Rori Raye (www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com). Be patient with yourself and soon you will join the world of Enchantresses and Goddesses. These are the women that hold the keys to the hearts of great men.

In honor of my continued love for Christian Carter’s work I am posting an excerpt below from his “4 Things Every Man Wants in a Woman.” Of all the Goddess practices this one is my favorite.  As soon as I began to see how much I depended on a man and a relationship for my good feelings I began to make changes.  Things I did included nurturing relationships with friends, family and engaging in activities, passions and hobbies that made me happy. The truth is a good man wants a woman who has a life outside of him that is meaningful and brings her happiness. This triggers something inside of him that drives him wild.  When he knows in his gut that you do not depend on him to feel good it generates an intense attraction and this in turn keeps him sending his love and energy your way. 

Here is #3  from the article “4 Things Every Man Wants in a Woman.” This one is the most difficult for sure. I use to struggle with the idea of emotional maturity. What does it really mean? Does it mean you learn to stuff your emotions down and never fly off the handle? Does it mean you become an ice queen and never be affected by anything your man does? Well, slowly I began to read various teachings by Spiritual teachers and Relationship coaches and I learned that emotional maturity means you do feel deeply, it’s just that you can manage the intensity of your emotions. You manage the intensity of your negative emotions so well that when you are triggered you do not take it out on the person in front of you. Emotional maturity means you have enough knowledge about yourself that you know when you are being triggered by what your man says or does. This deep knowledge allows you to be calm and process your feelings either alone or softly with him. This path is not easy, but if you master it, it will lead you to the land of sweet romance and lasting love.  If you learn to manage your emotions like this, your man will think you are an amazing Goddess. He will make an effort to be with you because he knows you are rare and different from the rest of the women around. I told a client today, “Do not try to ignore your feelings. A man loves an emotionally messy woman, as long as she does not take it out on him.” 

Here is the final thing a real man wants in a woman according to relationship guru, Christian Carter – A real man wants a woman he is intensely attracted to. This is in the beginning of the relationship and continues on through a long-term relationship and marriage. The thing about attraction is that it is really hard to  be attracted to a hurt, angry and resentful woman. This is where most relationships start to fail. The path looks like this – Men do something we do not like. We do not know how to express or process our feelings. We shove our feelings down and become withdrawn and resentful. Our hearts close and our vibe screams “Don’t touch me!” This is not very attractive. So in the beginning of a relationship just take it easy and go with the flow. In a long term relationship learn to deal with your unresolved past emotions so they don’t resurface in the relationship and make you close your heart. A man needs a woman’s open heart to connect to. Then he can stay your prince and not turn into a frog. See below. 

Yesterday, I heard one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Marianne Williamson, say “Really loving someone means they feel free in a relationship with you.” Something about this resonated deeply with my ideas about “The Art of Loving a Man.” Could a man’s attraction, devotion and commitment to you be dependent on the level of freedom he feels in the relationship? When I say freedom I am referring to two things: 

“The connection is the relationship” – I heard these words spoken the other day by a relationship coach and it struck a chord with me. A relationship is not about how many dates you have been on or what title you currently have. I mean those things definitely matter, but that is not what is going to make a relationship great. A good relationship is the quality of the emotional connection. It is the quality of trust and understanding between two people. It is the maturity and understanding that is exhibited when things get bumpy. It is the grace that is given when your partner makes a mistake or exhibits weakness. It is the space you give each other to have your own experiences without fear of judgement or criticism. These are the things that make connection with a another person beautiful.

Not to long ago I felt I had nothing wonderful to offer a man. I thought he was the prize and I always felt I had to win his love over and over again. In fact, I always felt a sense of desperation that I would lose a man’s attraction and love because there was nothing anchoring him to the relationship.  It is only when I began to focus on myself and learned to be intimate with the complexities of my darker emotions that I was able to gain a sense of control over my negative reactions. I also gained a deep understanding about myself and this control and understanding allowed me to relax more and open up. This is when I began to be more calm, openhearted and tender with my man. It was at this point I found Kristina Marchant’s work. She introduced me to the idea that a man longs for  a woman’s feminine mystique and entrance into the depths of her emotional world. A man wants to get lost in a woman and feel the world through her sensual ways and soft emotions. It finally hit me that us women have a beautiful gift to give men. This gift is the vulnerable, soft , sensual, emotional and tender ways of the feminine Enchantress. A man knows when he has encountered an Enchantress and he will bend over backward to be in her presence. I experience this everyday in my relationship and it is the most beautiful feeling in the world. El Guapo (my fiancee) adores, cherishes and provides for me and in turn I keep him connected to love, vulnerability and sensuality. Us women have a beautiful gift for men and they need and want us more then we know. See Kristina Marchant’s article below.